Nicole Kidman Opened Up About Her Bittersweet 2003 Oscar Win

Awards season is just getting started with last night's Golden Globes ceremony — but Nicole Kidman revealed that there's more to big moments than just gloss and glamour. Kidman, who won her very first Academy Award in 2003 for her portrayal of Virginia Woolf in The Hours, explained that the moment was particularly bittersweet, as she'd just finalized her divorce from Tom Cruise before taking home the gold. A year earlier, she was nominated for Moulin Rouge!

“I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well,” she told Dave Karger for his new book, 50 Oscar Nights (which is out on Jan. 23). “That’s what happens, right?” 

“I’m not a big party girl, so I was going to skip the Vanity Fair party, and everyone was like, ‘You’ve got to go. You’ve got to walk through the party carrying your Academy Award,’" she added. "I said, ‘That just feels like gloating, and it doesn’t feel humble.’ Like, what? You can’t walk through carrying the award! That feels really inappropriate. They’re like, ‘That’s what you do.’"

Kidman went on to say that she was overwhelmed by all the pomp and circumstance and didn't enjoy the after-party or any of the things that seemed to go along with being an Oscar winner.

“So I literally walked in, carried it around, was completely overwhelmed, emotional, shaking, and I didn’t enjoy it. I was almost apologetic, which is so stupid. I wish I could have enjoyed it more,” she said before adding that the moment was a catalyst for her to really work on her romantic relationships. “I went home and ended up ordering takeout and eating it on the floor of the Beverly Hills Hotel. I sat on the floor of the hotel eating French fries and a burger with my family and went to bed. That’s when it hit me. I went, I need to find my love; I need a love in my life. Because this is supposed to be when you go, ‘This is ours.’ I went to bed alone; I was in bed before midnight. If I ever won again, I’m telling you, I’d be out for 24 hours."

People explains that two years later, Kidman started dating country star Keith Urban and it only took six months together for her to realize he was The One.

"That is when I went, 'This is the man I hope I get to marry,'" she said after sharing a story about him bringing her gardenias for her birthday. "I believed by that point he was the love of my life." 

The duo married in 2006 and have two daughters together: Sunday Rose, 14, and Faith Margaret, 12. Kidman also shares a daughter named Isabella, 30, and a son named Connor, 28, with her ex.

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